Parshas Ki Seitzei

Pray Like A Woman

Devarim 22:5 "A man’s item shall not be upon a woman and a man may not dress in a woman’s garment"

We could use this mitzvah to allude to the teaching of Rebbe Nachman in Likutei Moharan 20, regarding the proper attitude when praying. He tells us that we must pray for mercy and supplicate, standing like a pauper. We should not invoke our good deeds at all. Only once the congregation assembles should we use the “staff of might” of good deeds, in order to subdue the evil that may be present in the congregation. When praying, however, we should stand as a pauper and beggar, supplicating Hashem. This was the mistake that Moshe Rabbeinu had made (see Likutei Moharan there).

Thus the Torah instructs the mitzvah “a man’s item shall not be upon a woman and a man may not dress in a woman’s garment”. This means that at prayer time we must stand like a pauper and speak in soft language and plea, without recourse or reference to our good deeds. This relates to the woman, in the aspect of weak strength and soft speech. This is why prayer is termed “woman”, related to the concept of “the G-d fearing woman” (Mishlei/Proverbs), as is known. We must assume an aspect of the woman at prayer time, corresponding to the idea of “receiver” that she is an aspect of weak strength. This means that we mustn’t use any strength of our good deeds. We must orientate our thinking that we are weak powered, possessing no strength at all – praying in gentle language and entreaty like a pauper and beggar.

This is the prohibition that “a man’s item shall not be upon a woman”- that when we pray, we assume an aspect of “woman” and mustn’t have upon us “a man’s item”, meaning, we mustn’t use the power and strength of our good deeds.

There is a similar allusion in the converse case of “a man may not dress in a woman’s garment”. This means that at the time of the congregation we need to assume an aspect of “man”, standing like a man – using the mighty staff of our good deeds to subdue the “evil in the congregation” (as mentioned above). At that time we may not “dress in a woman’s garment” since we need to be clothed as a mighty warrior, not clothed in a way that relates to the woman in the sense of weak strength.

The rule is: We must be careful in this matter and not mistakenly reverse the polarity. When praying – stand like a pauper and don’t use the power and might of good deeds. When subduing the evil of the congregation, stand like a warrior. Do not reverse the tools! This is all hinted to in our mitzvah.

This is why Rashi explains twice this mitzvah to refer to avoiding adultery. For if there is a reversal in the approaches, then the evil of the congregation is not subdued, as explained. And the main evil is adultery, as the Zohar puts it “the main yetzer hara (evil inclination) is forbidden relations”. That’s how it transpires that the wrong approach can cause adultery – for there has been no subduing of the evil, which corresponds to the desire for adultery that is the primary evil. [On the other hand, praying properly will avoid all this].

Yoreh De’ah Hilchos Lo Yilbash Gever 2

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